Ren(own).

Hello Dear Readers,
I am currently in Yearbook class, and I searched myself on Google, and I found my blog! I read over some of my old blogs, and decided to write a new one. And my friend Amanda is watching the magic unfold. Okay, well... she's watching me type.
Disciple Now was this last weekend. And if I remember correctly, I started this blog after D-Now last year! Woot! One full year!
This year D-Now's theme was Renown. Our theme verse was Isiah 26:8 about God's name and Renown being the desires of our hearts. I really liked this theme because I know I need to work on living out loud for God, not just on paper. This week I have tried my best to live like I should. And I think I am doing pretty good. I have dressed modestly and tried my best not to gossip and do other bad things. I hope that I will stay strong and work more on my Quiet Times.
This week I also started work. I work at Sonic Drive-In(: I am currently a Trainee, but I think I'm getting it pretty quickly. Though I am very tired at the end of the day. The Graduation Test is no help either. I should be on skates this Friday as well.

Well this class is over, so I must go. Until next time...

--Laney's Wonderland.

You know I'd walk a thousand miles...

Hello dear readers(:

Today, I didn't want to sit inside and do nothing, so I layed out and tanned for about 30 minutes. Then I decided to go for a walk. Just down the road a little ways then back. But as I was walking I saw how beautiful it was outside today. And I was in awe.

Usually I drive down the road I was walking so quickly I never notice how pretty the landscape and houses are. I live down the street from a lot of gorgeous houses with gorgeous yards. Who knew?

I took the time of my walk to just be content with the world that God made for us. And I just kept on walking. Eventually I was at the end of Sloan Mill staring at Poplar Springs. But instead of turning back and going home, I decided I would walk to Kaelen's house(: which is a good ways from my house by foot. But it was a beautiful day and I had a purpose so I walked all the way there! I got there just as they were leaving to see their Grandmother. And they kindly gave me a ride home.

I walked in the door and collapsed. However, I felt really good despite being sore and tired. After a shower I felt great.

Today was a great day! I loved being able to enjoy the warm sun and peaceful breeze and just bask in the glory of God. I really do love nature because it is so beautiful and peaceful. And having such a beautiful day really motivated me. I'm so happy that the weather has been so beautiful! I hope that it stays this way and I will have more chances for days like today.

And I also hope that you have had a blessed day as well(:

-Laney's Wonderland.

iWant.

My mind is racing right now. There's so many questions. So much I don't know or understand. There's so much I want.

I want to be skinny. I want to have lots of money. I want to have a boyfriend. I want to be a stronger Christ follower. I want to have style. I want to go on vacations. I want to be able to buy whatever I want. I want an action-packed summer. I want to do what I set out to do. I want to be popular. I want to be stronger. I want to be sweet to everyone. I want to live a life that glorifies God in all that I do. I want to see new things. I want to be able to draw. I want to complete a goal. I want to have a purpose. I want a storybook life.

I understand that everyone is different and unique. But I don't understand why it has to control our lives. I don't see why some people get to be pretty and skinny and rich and others are stuck being fat and lower class. I don't understand why some people get everything they want, and others have to struggle for what they need.

I don't understand why it is so difficult for me to lose weight and to keep up with my quiet times. I have nothing better to do. Every day almost I am sitting at home doing NOTHING. Its boring. But, exercising is boring to me too. I don't have any specific place I can go to work. I have to stay at home and use what I have, nothing.

I don't understand a lot of things. I wish I did, and I wish my wants could become things I do or have. But they aren't. They are wants.

So, I am setting some goals. I am going to try my best to get a summer job. I am going to lose 40 pounds by the end of summer. I am going to buy cute clothes. I am going to be a strong Christian. I am gonna try my best to have a boyfriend. And I am going to have a wonderful summer. Let's hope I can reach most of these goals.

--Love,

Laney

Give me a sign.

Losing someone important to you stinks. It hurts. It's hard. I should know.

The people whom we love the most, can also hurt us the most.

The people who I thought were my best friends, aren't.

I don't exactly feel like explaining the WHOLE story, so here's the sweetened, condensed version.

Some friends were passing a note, about me. They left it there and by chance, I read it. They said bad things about me and it hurt. I told them that it was mean and I just ignored them because I was mad and didn't want my anger to cause anything bad to happen. The next day, I get to class and there's 2 notes on my desk, from them. Both of them never apologized, but rather put all or most of the blame on me and tried to justify what they said and talking about me in general. They no longer wanted to be my friend. I decided I was done with their crap and I didn't need fake friends that held me down and hurt me. We haven't talked since.

At school, to other people, and even what they see of me, it seems that I have just hardened my shell and moved on with my life. But deep down inside, it's killing me. I cry. I really hurts me to think that all along they probably didn't even care about me, or my feelings. To think that the people I loved the most are okay to just throw me away like that. It makes me feel unimportant.

"Everything good in my life falls apart." That's my sign. My sign that many people don't see. I always feel like every time something good happens in my life, something bad happens and I lose it. Even the people I loved and cared about and trusted have gone away from me.

Tonight, church was amazing. It showed me that I don't have to hurt like this. My God loves me no matter what and His will shall be done. "Through me, God's will can be done." That's my new sign. I want everyone to see it. I want to identify me. The girl who brought God's Kingdom to Earth. That will be me.

--Love,

Laney

Friends and Family.

Hello Dear Readers(:

Welcome back to my blog, this is number 3, WOOT! And I am using MY computer, and though the screen is blue, the typing experience is much more enjoyable(:

Well, today was day 2 of my head injury, but other than a slight bit of dizziness and a major headache, i was fine. However, i did get tired of repeating the story when people would ask "DUDE, what happened to your face?!?" But hey, I got a miniscule amount of popularity for the day...

Tonight, i was unable to attend my usual church, but not for a bad reason, but because I went to Hopewell to hear Paige's testimony(: It was unbelievably awesome and the amount of tears shed in the room is uncountable. What I mostly learned was that we need to forgive the people in our lives who have wronged us, just as God has forgiven us. The pastor spoke more on this and at the end called those who felt they needed to forgive someone who has wronged them in a big way, to the alter and Paige prayed over them. I got to go up and sit with Candace to let her know I was there for her. If you want to know about her journey, I ENCOURAGE you to read her blog! (http://candybear379.blogspot.com/2010/03/adoption.html) Her journey and her love for Jesus through all of it is pretty incredible. Love ya girl(:

I know I have told you about my life changing decisions at D-Now, and they are helping me already, but there seems to be one part of my life I have no control over.

At school, it's easier than I thought. Loving people I don't know too well, or sharing with someone I do, it comes pretty easily to me with the help of God. But as they say, home is where the heart is, but this "they" isn't me. Living the way I know I should isn't as easy for me. I know my family loves me, but that doesn't help too much. I think it's because, if someone at school is rude to me, or I don't want to talk to them, I don't have to. But at home, I live with these people, some contact is usually needed.

My brother and I, we are getting along much better since D-Now, but we still have our brother and sister moments, but hey, it's natural. However, my parents I find much harder to deal with.

For some reason, when my parents tell me to do something, it angers me. I don't want to stop what I'm doing to do some chore or whatever it is I am being told to do. And it's not even the chore that seems to bother me, it's being told to do something and being expected to leap up and do it immediately, no matter what I am doing. It makes me so angry. Especially when I am trying to finish up my blog before bedtime and I keep getting told to do things.

Having my mom or dad walk into my room when I am say, doing my hair or makeup or doing my homework, and telling me "Clean this place up, it looks like a bomb went off!" Just makes me want to scream. I can't just stop with half of my hair or makeup done to clean my room!

And most of the time its evident that my parents just DON'T understand me. They think I'm just like them and go through the same kind of stuff, but I DON'T. This is a new day and age, and I am a completely different person! And another thing is when my dad tells me "If I woulda said that to my dad, he woulda punched me across the room!" because that's what HIS dad's response to things was. If he thinks its gonna tell me how to act, it doesn't help at all.

And some of the rules in my house are just flat out unfair. Like this one: NO flip flops or short-shorts unless its 60 degrees outside. ARE YOU KIDDING? I mean, if it's cold and rainy, I understand... but if it's about 50 I should be able to wear flip flops! I'm in school the whole time, it's not like I'm running around outside, I'm just sitting there. And another rule I despise is my bedtime. If you ask me, 9:30 is a joke. I mean, I know I need my sleep and whatnot, but that doesn't mean I require a set bedtime, especially one so early! I actually enjoy sleeping, so I would go to bed at a reasonable hour on my own anyways!

But even though my parents frustrate me so much, I know I have to obey them. It's really harder for me than it should be, and i wish I could just carry over my attitude from school to home, but it seems that even if I walk in the door in a good mood, I am mad at someone or something by the time I go to bed. As my mom always says "you have the ability to change the mood in a room, Delaney." But it seems to only work when I'm in a bad mood. When I'm in a good mood, it seems everyone else has to be in a bad mood, which unfortunately brings me down too.

And I am tired of living in a house where we can't all just be happy and love each other. This world has so many problems, and I want to be contributing to the good, but i feel like I am in a place where happiness is smothered. I know my mom will be reading this, but this is how I feel.

This week it is my prayer that I will be able to bring my love of God and others into my own home. I pray that I will obey my parents without backtalk and love them like the Lord loves me.

Until next time,

--Love,

LaneyLou