Give me a sign.

Losing someone important to you stinks. It hurts. It's hard. I should know.

The people whom we love the most, can also hurt us the most.

The people who I thought were my best friends, aren't.

I don't exactly feel like explaining the WHOLE story, so here's the sweetened, condensed version.

Some friends were passing a note, about me. They left it there and by chance, I read it. They said bad things about me and it hurt. I told them that it was mean and I just ignored them because I was mad and didn't want my anger to cause anything bad to happen. The next day, I get to class and there's 2 notes on my desk, from them. Both of them never apologized, but rather put all or most of the blame on me and tried to justify what they said and talking about me in general. They no longer wanted to be my friend. I decided I was done with their crap and I didn't need fake friends that held me down and hurt me. We haven't talked since.

At school, to other people, and even what they see of me, it seems that I have just hardened my shell and moved on with my life. But deep down inside, it's killing me. I cry. I really hurts me to think that all along they probably didn't even care about me, or my feelings. To think that the people I loved the most are okay to just throw me away like that. It makes me feel unimportant.

"Everything good in my life falls apart." That's my sign. My sign that many people don't see. I always feel like every time something good happens in my life, something bad happens and I lose it. Even the people I loved and cared about and trusted have gone away from me.

Tonight, church was amazing. It showed me that I don't have to hurt like this. My God loves me no matter what and His will shall be done. "Through me, God's will can be done." That's my new sign. I want everyone to see it. I want to identify me. The girl who brought God's Kingdom to Earth. That will be me.

--Love,

Laney

My face hurts.

Today was an interesting day in the life of Delaney...

The morning started out pretty well, though I woke up later than I wanted and had to finish my homework at school. I saw Summerlin and bought a coke, then we went to join the prayer circle started by Carlie and agreed to by the lovely BITAs, including me(:

Then i went about my day as usual, including a test and DBQ in APUSH, which I am very confident about. Not much else exciting happened... until track practice.

I was laying on the ground minding my own business, searching for four-leaf clovers with Candace and Maddi while Julian ans Summerlin watched and made fun of us... lovely. Then a stray discus came out of nowhere and smacked me dead in the face. OUCH! I swear I blacked out for a second. I know it was an accident, and I am not angry with the person who rolled it.

I am not seriously injured as far as i know, in case you are worried... and I should be at school tomorrow...

Well other than my head injury, my day was pretty usual.

However, I did take some time to evaluate my life... and this is what I came up with:

I have a lot of friends. Some close, and some not so close. Some who lift me up and bring me towards God and love me no matter what, and some who don't as much. Now, I am glad that I am surrounded by people who love me, whether they show it or not.

Some of my closest friends, I have noticed are actually bringing me down. and by that i mean, they don't lead me toward the Lord, and usually away from Him and down the path of gossiping and making fun of others, which is not right. And I know it is a usual thing for people to do, especially among teenage girls, but I am choosing to not be normal.

My favorite verse/life motto is Phillipians 2:5 which says "In your relationships with one another, have the same attitude of mind that Christ Jesus had." Making fun of or gossiping about others is not the way God would treat people, so I am trying my hardest to stay away from those things.

Now, I am not going to get rid of my friends, because well, they are my friends. But it is my hope and prayer that i will be able to help build a burning fire for Jesus like the one i have inside me, and their love for God will lead them away from the sins of the Lord, like mine. Most of my friends are Christians or at least believe in God, but they are "fake" as Sam Bhatt would say. And I want to help them become real, to make their love for God real, because if you ask me, the love of God is pretty amazing.

Also I was able to spend some time in my bible. I am reading 1 Peter, as suggested by my wonderful friend Paige(: I highly recommend it to anyone looking for a good book on how God says to live your life.

May your day be filled with love and peace!

Until next time...

--Love,

LaneyLou